Codependency Quiz: I hate you, don’t leave me
Codependency is one of those relationship dynamics that often flies under the radar but can have a huge impact on how we connect with others. It’s when you find yourself overly focused on someone else’s needs—like a caring parent who takes on the emotional weight of their child or a partner who feels responsible for their significant other's happiness. This can happen for a bunch of reasons, often rooted in our past experiences. Maybe you grew up in an environment where love felt conditional or where your needs weren’t consistently met.
As a result, you might have learned to seek validation by putting others first, thinking that if you just take care of everyone around you, you’ll feel loved in return. But here’s the catch: while it might seem like a way to keep the peace, this behavior can lead to feelings of resentment, anxiety, and even burnout.
The tricky part about codependency is that it creates a cycle. You pour all your energy into someone else, and in the process, you might lose sight of your own needs and desires. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward breaking free and finding a healthier balance in your relationships. After all, you deserve to be just as prioritized as those you care for!
Instructions: For each statement, reflect on how it applies to your experiences and feelings. Rate each statement on a scale from 1 to 5, where 1 means "not at all" and 5 means "very much."
I often feel responsible for other people's feelings and well-being.
I have trouble saying "no" to others, even when I want to.
I frequently feel anxious or upset if someone I care about is unhappy.
I often sacrifice my own needs or desires to please others.
I feel guilty when I take time for myself.
I find myself seeking approval from others before making decisions.
I have a strong fear of abandonment or being alone.
I feel like I need to "fix" or rescue the people I care about.
I have difficulty expressing my own feelings or needs.
I feel that my self-worth is tied to how others perceive me.
I often find myself in relationships where I feel more like a caretaker than a partner.
I experience intense emotions when my partner is upset or withdrawing.
I feel an urge to "save" people, even at my own expense.
I often feel empty or incomplete when I’m not in a relationship.
I worry excessively about losing the people I care about.
Scoring Your Quiz
Total Your Scores: Add up your responses for all fifteen statements.
15-30: Low Codependency: You likely have a healthy balance in your relationships and a strong sense of self. You understand the importance of mutual support without losing sight of your own needs.
31-50: Moderate Codependency: You may struggle at times with prioritizing others over yourself. It’s important to recognize these patterns and work on establishing boundaries to support your well-being.
51-75: High Codependency: You might find that your self-worth is heavily influenced by your relationships. You may often feel responsible for others' happiness and struggle to assert your own needs. Consider seeking support to explore these patterns and develop healthier relationship dynamics.
Reflection
After completing the quiz, take a moment to think about these questions:
What patterns did you notice in your responses?
How do these feelings impact your relationships?
What steps can you take to nurture your own needs alongside caring for others?
Insights on Codependency
Recognizing codependent behaviors is a powerful step toward healthier relationships. According to literature from Melody Beattie and the Love Addicts Anonymous community, it's crucial to remember that you deserve to have both healthy connections and a strong sense of self. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or support group. You are not alone in this journey, and there is help available to guide you toward healthier relationships and personal growth.